The Diary of Nikki V...

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and felt so deeply connected to them? Everything about the relationship was intense – good or bad? Then you might be in a part of a soul tie.

The concept of a soul tie binds individuals on a level beyond a relationship’s physical and emotional aspects; it’s more than a mere connection. You can form a soul tie with anyone – lover, friend, colleague, etc.- but we are discussing romantic partners for this article. Think of you and your partner as an intensely burning flame. The flame can burn passionately to light the relationship’s way or chaotically burn everything in its path. Either way, it leaves an indelible mark on the souls involved.

A soul tie should not be confused with the term “soulmate.” The main difference is that a soul tie can be positive or negative, while a soulmate is a mutual, harmonious connection. Unlike a soul tie, a soulmate relationship is generally characterized by mutual understanding, support, and shared values.

However, the more we learn about soul ties, the more it becomes evident that they are not monolithic; they vary in nature and intensity. As someone who has experienced a negative soul tie, it is crucial to discern whether they contribute positively to personal growth or hinder you from flourishing.

A negative soul tie manifests as a detrimental and draining connection between individuals. One clear sign of a negative soul tie is the presence of emotional turmoilwithin the relationship. When the connection becomes a source of constant distress, causing emotional upheaval and hindering personal development, it indicates a negative soul tie.

Codependency is another red flag for a negative soul tie. In such connections, individuals may become overly reliant on each other, impeding their ability to thrive independently. Codependency often leads to unhealthy dependencies and can result in a toxic dynamic that hinders both individuals’ growth and well-being.

A lack of effective communication is a third indicator of a negative soul tie. When there is a breakdown in communication, misunderstandings and unresolved issues can fester, contributing to a strained and unhealthy connection. In negative soul ties, the absence of open and honest dialogue can perpetuate a cycle of negativity and prevent the resolution of underlying issues. These three indicators—emotional turmoil, codependency, and poor communication—point to the negativity associated with an unhealthy soul tie.

Unfortunately, my deep, intense connection only caused destruction. And despite the obvious red flags, it took a minute before I broke the connection. Why? Because I was addicted to the relationship, we both were. But it is possible to break a soul tie if and when you are ready because if you are not, pretending you are when you are not is a waste of your time.

Breaking a soul tie requires intentional and purposeful actions. Establishing clear and firm boundaries is a fundamental step in severing the connection. By limiting contact and emotional engagement with the person involved, individuals can gradually weaken the tie and create space for personal growth.

Seeking professional support is another effective strategy to break a soul tie. Guidance from therapists or counselors provides valuable insights and coping strategies. Professional assistance can help individuals navigate the emotional challenges associated with breaking a soul tie, offering a structured and supportive environment for healing.

Redirecting energy toward personal growth is important in breaking free from a soul tie. Engaging in activities that promote individual well-being and create a sense of independence allows individuals to refocus their attention on their own growth and development. This redirection of energy is essential for breaking the emotional bonds of a soul tie and moving towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.

The last step I advise everyone to go through is the mourning period. My partner and I did our song and dance for years before I walked away. And I would be lying if I didn’t say that I mourned our relationship while I healed.

Recognizing the presence and nature of a soul tie in your relationship is crucial to understanding its impact on your well-being. Whether positive or negative, the intensity of a soul tie can shape the course of your personal growth and happiness. Breaking free from a negative soul tie demands intentional efforts, from setting clear boundaries to seeking professional support. Redirecting energy toward personal growth and allowing oneself a necessary mourning period are vital steps toward healing and liberation from the intricate ties that bind.

“For a long time, I defined myself by what I wasn’t… My life changed when I focused on what I was, what I was good at, what I liked most about myself and what made me stand out. Once I learned to like me more than others did, then I didn’t have to worry about being the funniest or the most popular or the prettiest. I was the best me and I only ever tried to be that.”

“Every time I think I’m saving myself from a headache, I end up with a migraine.”

“Train your boundaries to be stronger than your soft heart.”

February is American Heart Month, a time when the nation shines a light on cardiovascular health. Heart disease continues to be the leading cause of death worldwide, especially in women, and can be prevented with education and healthy lifestyle changes.

Personally, this is an initiative that hits close to home. As some of you know, my Mom, Juanita Vaughan, lost her battle with heart disease in January 2015. In 2017, I founded, Juanita’s Heart Ride, a spin class and charity initiative, in partnership with Go Red for Women and the American Heart Association, to raise funds and awareness on this deadly disease.

This month, I’m asking my family and friends to participate in Juanita’s Heart Challenge. Do Your Heart Some Good by committing to one, some, or all of the following challenges for 28 days:

1. Workout 30 minutes per day - this includes walking, dancing and any other form of cardio that gets the heart pumping

2. Eat smart - put down the junk and fried food

3. No smoking - give your heart (and lungs) a break this month

4. More sleep - put the phone on DND and commit to at least 7 hours of sleep per night

5. Less stress - don’t let your job, family or anyone’s dusty ass son / daughter stress you out this month. WOOSAH!

If you’d like to make a donation to the AHA and GRFW, you can do so at: http://www2.heart.org/goto/juanitavaughan

Stay tuned for more details on Juanita’s Heart Wellness Day at the end of the month in Brooklyn.❣️

And don’t forget, Friday, February 3rd is National Wear Red Day.❤️

🙏🏾💔🌹

miseducatedmelanicmuse:

(via dontforgetthemiss)

1.What is your honest opinion about me? 

2.What has your childhood taught you about love and relationships?

3.What are you afraid to show others that they probably need to know in order to connect with you on a deeper level? 

4.When you look at me, what parts of yourself do you see in me?

5.What does our love remind you of?

6.Tell me about the first time you felt it was safe for you to be vulnerable with me. 

7.Do you believe love is freely given or does it have to be earned?

8.How can I continue to support you in this relationship?

aidashakur:

(via ibe-erynn)

Personal development often feels like climbing a mountain, the steepness creates difficulty and intensity but eventually you arrive at an outlook, and you can embrace a clear view. Finally, you see how much progress you have made, even if you have further still to go. You are not the same person anymore, the one who started the journey is gone and a new you has arrived. There is a strength and vibrancy that more easily flows from the revitalized connection that you now have between your mind and heart. You feel aligned. And not just with your authenticity, but with a clearer mission of how you want to show up in the world. You no longer feel like a foreigner in your mind; you are familiar with the ups and downs of your emotional history. You can now look at your past and see lessons instead of feeling the sting of old hurt. This is no small victory. To release the pain that once clouded your thoughts and interactions and to replace that heaviness with the lightness of presence is heroic work. You accepted the challenge of growing and now you get to enjoy the rewards of your investment. You realized the truth, that no one can give you the feeling of freedom the way you yourself can, and you decided to act on it. You feel new, the world looks new, and even though this may feel a little daunting, you know you are up for the challenge of living a new life because you have your recent experience of embracing your power.

If It Doesn’t Make You Better, You Don’t Need It

Let me put a disclaimer up on this one. Some things that challenge you or make you uncomfortable will still ultimately make you a better person, so don’t take this to mean that you should run from every person, place, thing or idea that doesn’t make you feel good all of the time. What I’m saying is, if you’re involved in or even merely entertaining something or someone and you can’t think of even one way that they are improving your way of life—or worse, they are making it worse—you need to let it/them go. Stat.

This is kind of where the whole “some things are for a reason, season or lifetime” statement comes into play. I know of one relationship, in particular, that was really sending me through it for a season. But it also caused me to do some serious self-evaluating and growing. Once I realized what that person was there to teach me, it was time to move on. How could I tell? Because it got to a point where I could no longer see any silver-lining-reasons for keeping them in my life; things stopped being growing pains and started becoming straight-up painful.

If you see your character becoming better via something or someone, that’s a good thing. But if you’re starting to question your worth or value, or you feel like you’re simply wasting a colossal amount of time remaining stuck, this is one more sign that you are settling.

When It’s Right, Your Mind, Body and Spirit Will Be in Harmony

I’m a firm believer that our beings are trinities in the sense that our mind, body and spirit were designed to be in sync with one another. That’s why, it’s important to pay attention to what all three of them have to “say” about the decisions that we make. Your mind may want a particular kind of food, but what does your body have to say about it? Your body may want a certain man, but is your spirit sending up red flags?

It might sound cliché to let peace be your guide in everything that you do, but believe me when I tell you that there is a ton of truth to that. I don’t care what person, place, thing or idea that you’re seriously considering, if all “three of you” cannot unanimously agree that it’s a good idea…something is…up. And by that I mean that something is setting you up to let you down.

Being willing to face your inner storms sometimes gets you so focused on your emotions and your past that you forget to look up and notice that you have actually taken many steps forward, that life is not the same anymore and that your behaviors are more vibrant and aligned with living in a way that supports your happiness. There is a moment of victory that eventually happens when you take your growth and healing seriously – you start to notice that you are no longer the same person who started the journey. Every day is not a great day, there are still plenty of challenges, but there is a new freshness to life and the low points are not as low as they were before. Tough emotions don’t take over your actions the way they used to. When you do react, it is no longer as intense or overwhelming. You are not perfectly happy all of the time, but that was never the goal to begin with, instead you feel a new sense of calmness because you more deeply embrace the fact that change is inevitable. You don’t fear the ups and downs, instead you glide with them. Joy is more available to you because you spend time cultivating your patience and your ability to appreciate the present moment. You know that there is still much to heal and more ways to grow, but now you are familiar with the rhythm of observing, accepting, letting go and allowing transformation to occur organically. - Yung Pueblo